Selfish

I know I have a strong selfish tendency that lives within me. And sometimes I don't even apologize for it.

Today is a "no apologies" day. In our town, and even across my street, kids are leaving for college. Their parents have packed their belongings, loaded their cars, and headed out to different parts of our state. And different parts of our country.

And I sit quietly, afraid to say much, almost afraid to breathe for fear of being noticed. I am happy that I am not packing the car and setting out on a new journey. I am elated that I get one more year of my son at home. I will not brag to many people that we've been granted one more year. But I am so very thankful.

And perhaps this year is a bonus gift from God. Some of the parents saying their goodbyes today know/hope that it is a temporary goodbye. They have dreams/expectations that when college is done, their children will return to their hometown to settle down and create a new life.

I know that will not happen for us. I've known that for a very long time. When we say our goodbyes next fall, it is just the beginning of a long string of goodbyes for our family. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I know my son's dreams are going to take him far away. But for now, I will sit here quietly, trying not to breathe.

Seasons Changin'

In about an hour I will be performing a long-standing tradition in our home. I'll be taking those "First Day of School" pictures. But my heart is heavy this year. For the first time in 13ish years, the pictures will be very different. Maddie will be standing solo in the pics. Logan will be in bed, getting a little extra sleep before he goes to work at the college bookstore. This is the first time in many years that we aren't sending them off at the same time or on the same day for their First Day of School. It makes me teary-eyed to even think about this.

I count myself fortunate that Logan is doing his first year of college at home. That eases the pain of the Seasons Changin'. But next year will be another new Season --- we will deliver Logan to Southern Illinois University-Carbondale and leave him there. Maddie will have her First Day of School as a high school student. Our house will be quieter with one less body running around.

I know the Seasons have to change. It is the way God created our world. But I don't have to like it.