Sometimes I have to be careful what I say, because I never know who might read this one day. But boundaries....wow.
Aren't boundaries interesting? After doing the Boundaries study back in 1999-2000 (could it have been that long ago?), I am so aware of boundary lines that are wrongly crossed over.
Usually we talk about boundaries in the sense of someone being in your personal space. We all know those people. When they talk to you, they are just inches from your face. Or they can't talk to you without touching you. They just need to back up!
But from our study, I remember boundaries also meaning things we take on that don't belong to us. We tend to want to carry other people's burdens around. And as Christians, I think we are called to do that from time to time. But I'm referring to the things we let other people put on us, not those we tend to voluntarily pick up. This is usually most evident in families.
And then there are boundaries that just say, "This is not your territory. You need to back out of it. You really don't belong in this situation."
Boundaries. Good lesson to remember.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Roller Coaster
It was like a scene from a movie. Sunday afternoon, after nap time, Jerry and I sat down at the kitchen table with notebooks, calendars, post-its, ideas, plans... ready to do some planning and general catching-up on life. We each got about 1 sentence out of our mouth and his phone rang. I knew from his words that our little meeting was over.
A lady at our church has a son in the army stationed in Louisiana. He had been killed in a one-car accident on Saturday night and she had just received word via the military showing up in her front yard. Because he was in the military, there is red tape to go through. The next 24 hours were pretty consumed by trying to get all the facts of the accident, finding out when the body would be transported, going to the funeral home to plan the funeral, going to the cemetery, meeting with military personnel. Etc. The family asked Jerry to be with them for most of those moments. Which is truly an honor and privilege for him. But for me, I have to fight off that selfish monster that lives inside of me. I had to fight off being disappointed that we had finally, finally, finally had a little time to ourselves, only to have it interrupted in the first few seconds.
But this is his job. It is the life he loves. And I love it for him. He does it so well. He is great at caring for people. And when tragedy hits, I am so glad he is there for people. Except when it interrupts my plans. But not really. My plans aren't that important. People are important. But still, see, I had these plans.
So do you see the war raging inside of me.
But God is such an incredible Lord. In the midst of the Sunday night tragedy, Jerry made a short trip to the church to look up a song for this lady because her son wanted it at his funeral. While at the church, a family showed up thinking we had Sunday night activities. Those had all been canceled because of our high school graduation. So Jerry spent a little time visiting with this family anyway. Their middle school son had been wondering about baptism and communion and this gave him a chance to ask Jerry some questions. It also gave him a chance to pray for salvation. How cool is that?!?
And last night, Jerry and I went to talk to a lady and her daughter about baptism. The lady is 40, the daughter is 7. At the end of all that, Jerry led them both in a prayer of salvation. How sweet!
So the roller coaster is going to be a trip that is about 2 weeks long. Jerry has a funeral this Saturday, a wedding next Saturday, 2 sermons in the next 2 weeks, 1 Wednesday night study, Logan's 17 birthday and a special trip that he doesn't know about yet, a church picnic on Sunday evening, new pews arriving at church next Tues-Wed-Thur (it takes a few days to get them all set up), the kids' last day of school is tomorrow, and I am trying to do a bunch of stuff for VBS in the midst of all that. Our lives look insane over the next 2 weeks. But as I told someone on Saturday, "We are a roller coaster family." Of course I was describing our love for riding roller coasters at amusement parks. But perhaps it describes the way we live also.
A lady at our church has a son in the army stationed in Louisiana. He had been killed in a one-car accident on Saturday night and she had just received word via the military showing up in her front yard. Because he was in the military, there is red tape to go through. The next 24 hours were pretty consumed by trying to get all the facts of the accident, finding out when the body would be transported, going to the funeral home to plan the funeral, going to the cemetery, meeting with military personnel. Etc. The family asked Jerry to be with them for most of those moments. Which is truly an honor and privilege for him. But for me, I have to fight off that selfish monster that lives inside of me. I had to fight off being disappointed that we had finally, finally, finally had a little time to ourselves, only to have it interrupted in the first few seconds.
But this is his job. It is the life he loves. And I love it for him. He does it so well. He is great at caring for people. And when tragedy hits, I am so glad he is there for people. Except when it interrupts my plans. But not really. My plans aren't that important. People are important. But still, see, I had these plans.
So do you see the war raging inside of me.
But God is such an incredible Lord. In the midst of the Sunday night tragedy, Jerry made a short trip to the church to look up a song for this lady because her son wanted it at his funeral. While at the church, a family showed up thinking we had Sunday night activities. Those had all been canceled because of our high school graduation. So Jerry spent a little time visiting with this family anyway. Their middle school son had been wondering about baptism and communion and this gave him a chance to ask Jerry some questions. It also gave him a chance to pray for salvation. How cool is that?!?
And last night, Jerry and I went to talk to a lady and her daughter about baptism. The lady is 40, the daughter is 7. At the end of all that, Jerry led them both in a prayer of salvation. How sweet!
So the roller coaster is going to be a trip that is about 2 weeks long. Jerry has a funeral this Saturday, a wedding next Saturday, 2 sermons in the next 2 weeks, 1 Wednesday night study, Logan's 17 birthday and a special trip that he doesn't know about yet, a church picnic on Sunday evening, new pews arriving at church next Tues-Wed-Thur (it takes a few days to get them all set up), the kids' last day of school is tomorrow, and I am trying to do a bunch of stuff for VBS in the midst of all that. Our lives look insane over the next 2 weeks. But as I told someone on Saturday, "We are a roller coaster family." Of course I was describing our love for riding roller coasters at amusement parks. But perhaps it describes the way we live also.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Dead Snakes and Duh! Moments
Some of you know I have this thing about snakes. I don't like them even a little. But I have an obsession of sorts. Sometimes I dream there are hundreds of snakes and I have to get through/around them. I grab those snakes and fling them away so fast they don't know what hit them. I'm always the hero in my dreams.
My obsession has grown more intense since living in the cornfield. Between here and Vincennes, IN is a highway that has several wooded areas we pass through. I have often wondered how many snakes are slithering through those woods as we drive by.
Tuesday night was a glorious moment for me. We were driving south of town, heading to dinner with friends. I think I actually clapped when I noticed a dead snake on the road. It was my first dead snake of the season. I sort of keep count. I know. You are really starting to wonder about me. It's just this thing I have. I don't like snakes.
My Duh! moment came yesterday. This Summer at church I am leading a Women of Faith Bible study called, "Discovering God's Will For Your Life." I've started working on the lessons, getting everything ready. The more I work on it, the more excited I get. I am anxious to get started!
I am currently talking to God about a really big decision in my life. Trying to discern what He wants me to do. Trying so hard to hear Him clearly. Trying to factor out all my human lists of pros and cons. And then the Duh! hit. "I have a great idea Dianna. Why don't you go back over those lessons you've been preparing. Read your own notes. Look up those Scriptures. Duh!! Remember it is about discovering God's will for your life."
Seriously, I've been living for Jesus for about 22 years. You would think I'd be better at it than this. Oh well - I certainly do provide plenty of entertainment for myself.
My obsession has grown more intense since living in the cornfield. Between here and Vincennes, IN is a highway that has several wooded areas we pass through. I have often wondered how many snakes are slithering through those woods as we drive by.
Tuesday night was a glorious moment for me. We were driving south of town, heading to dinner with friends. I think I actually clapped when I noticed a dead snake on the road. It was my first dead snake of the season. I sort of keep count. I know. You are really starting to wonder about me. It's just this thing I have. I don't like snakes.
My Duh! moment came yesterday. This Summer at church I am leading a Women of Faith Bible study called, "Discovering God's Will For Your Life." I've started working on the lessons, getting everything ready. The more I work on it, the more excited I get. I am anxious to get started!
I am currently talking to God about a really big decision in my life. Trying to discern what He wants me to do. Trying so hard to hear Him clearly. Trying to factor out all my human lists of pros and cons. And then the Duh! hit. "I have a great idea Dianna. Why don't you go back over those lessons you've been preparing. Read your own notes. Look up those Scriptures. Duh!! Remember it is about discovering God's will for your life."
Seriously, I've been living for Jesus for about 22 years. You would think I'd be better at it than this. Oh well - I certainly do provide plenty of entertainment for myself.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Kind of Like a Train Wreck or Seeing is Believing
You know how we have that instinct built into us? The one that causes us to keep looking at an accident, even though we don't really want to look. But we can't make ourselves turn away.
Jerry and I experienced that in a way this weekend. Same concept, different circumstance. We went to St. Louis to help move my Mom. And even though it was a horrible, awful experience, we can't quit talking about it. So allow me to talk some more.
Seeing is believing... I will attempt to describe some things here, but without seeing it for yourself, you will think I am exaggerating. Cross my heart, I am not.
We moved my Mom from her 2 bedroom apartment to a much nicer 2 bedroom apartment. Nicer, but smaller. The new complex is for 55 and over, all one level, brand spanking new. Very nice. But smaller.
My sister knew it was smaller and she tried to tell my Mom that she needed to downsize. You see, my Mom is a hoarder. She did not have this disease when we were children. It began about 8 years ago, at least that is my guess. And it is only getting worse.
Keep in mind that my Mom lives alone, in a small 2 bedroom apartment. She goes virtually nowhere. She hits the grocery store about once a week, the doctor about once a week, and every garage sale within a 75 mile radius (okay - I did exaggerate that one). She doesn't really have any visitors. I have a cousin who checks on her a couple times a week. She has a friend who she goes to lunch with about once every 2 months. My Mom wears the same 3 shirts over and over. Are you getting the picture? She is 73 and basically does not have a life. This is the life she has carved for herself though. Choices she has made.
Here is some of what we found:
*5 toilet bowl brushes (yes, only 1 toilet)
*15-20 empty plastic peanut butter jars
*2.5 loaves of bread (one woman, that much bread would go moldy in my house of 4)
*a drawer full of nylons (When asked, her response was "for when I go to church". She doesn't.)
*25-30 turtle neck shirts (in a drawer)
*30 - 35 sleeveless shirts (in a different drawer)
*an entire drawer full of belts, most from the 80's
*5 plastic buckets with lids, in her back bedroom, and she did not know what was in them
*10 plastic buckets with lids, in her back closet, many of them had wrapped glassware, votives
*25 pairs of jeans
*2 large, large closets completely full of hanging clothes (more than my entire family owns)
*about 10 pair of white tennis shoes, most look new
*several pair of high heel, dressy prom-type shoes - the woman can barely walk in tennies
*wall pictures stored behind and under her couch because there was no wall space left for hanging
*15 boxes of Jiffy corn mix, all expired
*some over-the-counter meds that expired in 2003, and some in 1999
*several enemas, even though she takes meds for diarrhea (sorry if that is TMI)
*a washed out bag with holes, the kind that holds grapes in the produce section
*used Ziploc bags in most every room, several of these
*a large jar of buttons, she hasn't sown in years - can't even see well enough to sew
*a box of 8 track tapes
*more make up than my sister and I have used in the last 5 years
*about 25 bottles of various types of lotion
*an entire cabinet of jewelry, like a stand up cabinet
*also a drawer with jewelry stored in egg cartons (remember - she goes nowhere)
*12 curling irons
Okay, I am tired of recalling all the stuff we saw. This is only scraping the top. You would not believe it unless you saw it. It made for the MOST stressful 2 days of my life. No kidding. No exaggerating. I could physically fell the stress taking over my body. And the stress wasn't just because she has so much stuff, but because she wasn't willing to get rid of any of it. There was no physical way it would all possibly fit into the new apartment. There was much gnashing of teeth, and several moments of near weeping.
I am grateful that she isn't a 'paper saver.' I've heard of people hoarding junk mail and newspapers for decades. Thank goodness my Mom doesn't do that. I am sure this stems from growing up poor, but she didn't do this when she was younger. It is like she is a little child again, very unreasonable and doesn't comprehend what is being told to her. She also got delusional on me and I didn't do very good in being patient.
My adoring daughter gets the award for bringing the best comical relief. My Mom had a wall picture stored under her couch. It is one of about 5 little cherub angels with wings and all their genitalia showing. I tried to tell my Mom how unscriptural that picture was, but it was really a waste of my breath. When Maddie unloaded all the pictures at the new place, she set them all up on the front porch as a sort of art show. That is because there was no room in the apartment. But in an effort to keep things PG-rated, she took some blue tape and applied it to the picture to give those angels some pants. That made me laugh!
Jerry and I experienced that in a way this weekend. Same concept, different circumstance. We went to St. Louis to help move my Mom. And even though it was a horrible, awful experience, we can't quit talking about it. So allow me to talk some more.
Seeing is believing... I will attempt to describe some things here, but without seeing it for yourself, you will think I am exaggerating. Cross my heart, I am not.
We moved my Mom from her 2 bedroom apartment to a much nicer 2 bedroom apartment. Nicer, but smaller. The new complex is for 55 and over, all one level, brand spanking new. Very nice. But smaller.
My sister knew it was smaller and she tried to tell my Mom that she needed to downsize. You see, my Mom is a hoarder. She did not have this disease when we were children. It began about 8 years ago, at least that is my guess. And it is only getting worse.
Keep in mind that my Mom lives alone, in a small 2 bedroom apartment. She goes virtually nowhere. She hits the grocery store about once a week, the doctor about once a week, and every garage sale within a 75 mile radius (okay - I did exaggerate that one). She doesn't really have any visitors. I have a cousin who checks on her a couple times a week. She has a friend who she goes to lunch with about once every 2 months. My Mom wears the same 3 shirts over and over. Are you getting the picture? She is 73 and basically does not have a life. This is the life she has carved for herself though. Choices she has made.
Here is some of what we found:
*5 toilet bowl brushes (yes, only 1 toilet)
*15-20 empty plastic peanut butter jars
*2.5 loaves of bread (one woman, that much bread would go moldy in my house of 4)
*a drawer full of nylons (When asked, her response was "for when I go to church". She doesn't.)
*25-30 turtle neck shirts (in a drawer)
*30 - 35 sleeveless shirts (in a different drawer)
*an entire drawer full of belts, most from the 80's
*5 plastic buckets with lids, in her back bedroom, and she did not know what was in them
*10 plastic buckets with lids, in her back closet, many of them had wrapped glassware, votives
*25 pairs of jeans
*2 large, large closets completely full of hanging clothes (more than my entire family owns)
*about 10 pair of white tennis shoes, most look new
*several pair of high heel, dressy prom-type shoes - the woman can barely walk in tennies
*wall pictures stored behind and under her couch because there was no wall space left for hanging
*15 boxes of Jiffy corn mix, all expired
*some over-the-counter meds that expired in 2003, and some in 1999
*several enemas, even though she takes meds for diarrhea (sorry if that is TMI)
*a washed out bag with holes, the kind that holds grapes in the produce section
*used Ziploc bags in most every room, several of these
*a large jar of buttons, she hasn't sown in years - can't even see well enough to sew
*a box of 8 track tapes
*more make up than my sister and I have used in the last 5 years
*about 25 bottles of various types of lotion
*an entire cabinet of jewelry, like a stand up cabinet
*also a drawer with jewelry stored in egg cartons (remember - she goes nowhere)
*12 curling irons
Okay, I am tired of recalling all the stuff we saw. This is only scraping the top. You would not believe it unless you saw it. It made for the MOST stressful 2 days of my life. No kidding. No exaggerating. I could physically fell the stress taking over my body. And the stress wasn't just because she has so much stuff, but because she wasn't willing to get rid of any of it. There was no physical way it would all possibly fit into the new apartment. There was much gnashing of teeth, and several moments of near weeping.
I am grateful that she isn't a 'paper saver.' I've heard of people hoarding junk mail and newspapers for decades. Thank goodness my Mom doesn't do that. I am sure this stems from growing up poor, but she didn't do this when she was younger. It is like she is a little child again, very unreasonable and doesn't comprehend what is being told to her. She also got delusional on me and I didn't do very good in being patient.
My adoring daughter gets the award for bringing the best comical relief. My Mom had a wall picture stored under her couch. It is one of about 5 little cherub angels with wings and all their genitalia showing. I tried to tell my Mom how unscriptural that picture was, but it was really a waste of my breath. When Maddie unloaded all the pictures at the new place, she set them all up on the front porch as a sort of art show. That is because there was no room in the apartment. But in an effort to keep things PG-rated, she took some blue tape and applied it to the picture to give those angels some pants. That made me laugh!
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